Lily Silverton prioritise this author book mindset coach motherhood interview luminary mothers modern motherhood motherkind alice codford — *Image Credit: Sarah Cresswell*

Lily Silverton is interested in the small, daily choices that quietly become a life. What we give our attention to. What we make room for. What we prioritise. What we keep pushing to the bottom of the list until, eventually, we realise it was never going to rise on its own.

As a mindset coach, writer and speaker, her work sits in the space between the practical and the deeply human: stress, behaviour, burnout, self-worth, ambition, motherhood, the constant noise of modern life. Her book, Prioritise This, grew out of a desire to write the kind of self-help book that does not speak down to its reader or ask them to become another optimised version of themselves, but instead meets them where they are, messy edges and all.

That honesty runs through this conversation. Lily speaks about motherhood as both an expansion and an undoing: a shift in identity, a heart outside the body, a new relationship with fear, love and control. She reflects on the intensity of early motherhood, the physical longing of being away from her children, the sweetness of cuddles and conversation, and the strange, ongoing work of learning to protect them without protecting them from life itself.

She is equally direct about the pressures mothers carry: the invisible labour, the decision fatigue, the guilt around rest, and the impossible expectation to be good at everything all at once. Her response is refreshingly unpolished in the best way: give yourself a break. Rest is not an indulgence or an extra. It is part of motherhood. Part of the work. Part of staying able to keep going.

In this Luminary Mothers conversation, Lily opens up about identity, overwhelm, creative ambition, style, self-care and the importance of choosing what matters before life chooses for you. Her message is simple and much needed: Keep going, you’re doing great, and ignore the perfect lives on social media.

By Alice Codford

ON MOTHERHOOD

Alice: How has motherhood changed you?

Lily Silverton: It’s made me more accepting of the things I can’t change or control. It’s also hugely shifted my sense of self - my heart is now outside my body, that’s quite a lot to handle!

Was motherhood what you expected, and what’s surprised you the most?

Lily Silverton: Yes and no. Much feels just as I anticipated and much has surprised me. Birth was shocking, terrifying and incredible (both times). Bedtime takes much longer than I ever thought it would. Managing their emotions and experiences with the world and friendships as they get older comes with an intensity I didn’t think about. The physical longing for their bodies when I’m away from them too - that’s big. The whole thing is pretty hardcore.

“If we don’t consider what really matters, we’ll find we possibly get to the end of our life and not feel that we lived it in the way we would have liked to.”

What’s been one of the best parts of motherhood so far, and one of the hardest, and what helped you get through it?

Lily Silverton: I loved the early newborn phase even though it’s so hard it was also (for me) a special bubble time where I felt I could say no to everything except being with them. I love the age they are now - chatting with them now and hearing their takes on the world. Plus the cuddles. The cuddles are the best. Hardest… I think the fear - realising that that will be there now for the rest of your life! That you will always worry about some possible harm that may come to them. What helps me get through is remembering that we can only protect them so far, and that life is truly lived in the more messy, scary bits so I don’t want to protect them too heavily from that.

Was there a moment in motherhood where you didn’t recognise yourself and what helped you feel like you again?

Lily Silverton: I found the first few months of my son’s life quite difficult - the pregnancy had been tough physically, he was very colicky (he screamed all the time and never slept) and my father was terminally ill with cancer. Reminding myself that every moment is just a phase helped, plus walking lots, getting back to physical exercise and seeing friends.

What do you wish you’d known before becoming a mother?

Lily Silverton: How much your identity shifts. I felt like I was so behind by not having my first until 34 but I’m so relieved and glad I had a long time on my own to understand who I am - I think that helped me feel like a) I had a good grip on myself and b) I’d lived a lot of my life and done a lot of the things I wanted to.

ON HER BOOK, PRIORITISE THIS

Prioritise This feels incredibly timely for women and mothers navigating busy, demanding lives. What first inspired you to write the book?

Lily Silverton: I wanted to share all the bits of knowledge I’d accumulated over the years around navigating this hectic world. I also wanted to write a self-help book that didn’t speak down to the reader or make them feel guilty about their life and behaviours - to create something that would meet people where they were at and support them accordingly, in a 360 degree way so that anyone reading the book would find something that resonated.

“We are constantly distracted by other people’s lives and overwhelmed by the demands, options and choices in our own. It’s hard to know what’s important because everything seems important.”

The book invites readers to pause and consider what really matters. Why do you think so many of us find that difficult in modern life?

Lily Silverton: Because we have so much going on! We are constantly distracted by other people’s lives and overwhelmed by the demands, options and choices in our own. It’s hard to know what’s important because everything seems important. It’s hard to pause and stop because we live in a culture that doesn’t reward that. But if we don’t consider what really matters, we’ll find we possibly get to the end of our life and not feel that we lived it in the way we would have liked to.

You write and speak a lot about prioritising in a way that supports wellbeing rather than leading to burnout. What are some of the signs that our priorities may have become misaligned?

Lily Silverton: Some signs include: constant exhaustion, overwhelm, dissatisfaction, irritation. Some of that is very normal and at more demanding times in life a lot of that is normal. However if you’re experiencing those things throughout the less demanding times in life and you don’t feel satisfied by life (and crucially, there isn’t a major extenuating circumstance such as trauma or a mental/physical health condition) then it’s worth considering whether the life you’re leading is one aligned with the values you hold close and the people/habits/thoughts that you know actually matter to you.

Motherhood often comes with invisible labour, constant decision-making and the feeling of being pulled in many directions. How can mothers begin to prioritise themselves without guilt?

Lily Silverton: I do volunteer work with case workers at a domestic violence charity and the advice I give them is the same here: you need to consider your own priorities and downtime and “self care” (whatever that might mean to you!) as part of the job itself. It’s not an additional, nice to have, add on. It’s what enables you to function and do what you do. Rest and recovery is part of motherhood. Putting yourself first sometimes, without guilt, is what enables you to remain able to support your children, and yourself.

Your work combines mindset, behavioural change, stress management and practical tools. What is one small shift that can make a meaningful difference when someone feels overwhelmed?

Lily Silverton: Asking yourself: what’s one thing I can do to make my day easier/better right now? Don’t try to do a million things - just pick one and go with that.

How do you define productivity in a healthier, more sustainable way?

Lily Silverton: I think it’s about producing but in alignment with your priorities and what’s important to you, so not losing your values or sense of self at the expense of productivity. Redefining productivity away from the consumerist, capitalist definition of productive so that rest is productive and playing with your kids is productive and having martinis with your friends is also productive. Taking a 360 degree approach to life.

Many women feel pressure to do everything well: work, parenting, relationships, home life, self-care. What would you say to someone who feels like they are constantly falling short?

Lily Silverton: Give yourself a fucking break! We’re all constantly falling short and that’s okay - that’s normal. Social media is so unhelpful (not a new thought I know) around this, it makes people (women/mothers in particular) feel as if they’re never doing enough. The reality is you never can do enough, you do what you can with what you’ve got and that is enough. We need to move away from this constantly, competitive optimisation culture and towards one that (genuinely, as opposed to performatively) allows for chaos and mess (both external in terms of how our lives look and internally in terms of how we feel).

When did the idea for Prioritise This first begin, and how did it evolve into the book it is now?

Lily Silverton: Actually began in 2019 - I wanted to write a book about navigating the challenges of modern life. It got repeatedly rejected by agents :) which i’m ultimately glad about now as I think the book is better given everything I’ve experienced/learnt/discovered etc in the past 7 years. In it’s current state it began in 2021 - I was approached by a publisher who had listened to my podcast about writing a book on priorities - that didn’t work out but it became the seed of PT.

What did the writing process teach you about your own priorities?

Lily Silverton: That sometimes I have to work pretty hard to make sure I’m staying on top of my own. I am my first student and all that :)

Lily Silverton prioritise this author book mindset coach motherhood interview luminary mothers modern motherhood motherkind — *Image Credit: Sarah Cresswell*

You created The Priorities Method as a framework for helping people navigate life with more clarity, purpose and ease. What is at the heart of that method?

Lily Silverton: That what we prioritise day to day (people, thoughts, habits) becomes the sum of our entire life, so we’d better make sure we’re mostly prioritising the stuff that actually matters. But I also don’t believe in over-optimisation of our lives, so there will always be messy bits at the edges - things that we prioritise that don’t quite align with what’s important to us, but that’s okay too. We’re human.

What advice would you give to mothers who have a creative idea, business, book or project they keep putting off because life feels too full?

Lily Silverton: Find a way to make it more important - find a way to move it up the list because it will never naturally move itself up there. And start small - do it for 10 mins a day for 30 days, the result/product will quickly add up and once you see momentum and results it will be easier to find more time for it yourself.

ON STYLE, IDENTITY & SELF-CARE

Has your sense of personal style changed since becoming a mum?

Lily Silverton: You think more about practicality and durability - i.e. will this work on the school run, can i wash this easily, will it stain etc. I’ve always been into comfort but that’s also become more important in the past few years.

“Keep going, you’re doing great, ignore perfect lives on socials.”

What’s your go-to outfit when you want to feel comfortable and confident?

Lily Silverton: Baggy trousers or jeans, prada loafers, tshirt or vest, slouchy jacket or jumper.

Who or what inspires your style?

Lily Silverton: My grandmother was very stylish, she always wore trousers and masculine cuts and I’m similar to her in that way. I like baggy, voluminous shapes, different textures, chunky shoes and always something a bit “off” in an outfit. I’m quite changeable in my style though - one day I’ll throw on a 90s classic, very paired back Calvin Klein look and the next I’ll be obsessing over some chic Lisbon girl and emulating her approach to clashing prints and colour and layers of jewellery.

What is your go-to handbag for everyday?

Lily Silverton: Small Miu Miu bucket bag in the same shade of butter yellow as Prioritise This! I bought it for myself as a present the week the book came out. I also have a suede brown Massimo Dutti one which fits more so I grab if I have more kids crap to throw in.

What does your beauty routine look like these days? Any skincare or make-up you always recommend?

Lily Silverton: I swear by Barbara Sturm eye cream (the basic one) it’s the only one I’ve found that doesn’t irritate my eyes, which is annoying as it’s incredibly expensive. I love Tatcha dewy cream and Tirtir rice milk toner, also Wilder Botanics do the BEST face oils. I use a lot of Korean skincare actually - the Medicure collagen wrapping mask, the VT Reedle Shot, and I think Biodance masks actually do what they say they will which isn’t always the case with sheet masks! I use the Gua Sha when I remember, likewise I have a ZIIP Halo but I don’t always remember to use it. evening I double cleanse with QMS cleanser and toner, morning I just splash water on my face. Once a week I try to remember to do a face and hair mask but this doesn’t happen very often tbh. I find those spot patches you can buy from amazon amazing for my monthly breakouts. Make up I’m simple - tiny bit of Chanel or Armani Silk Foundation mixed with moisturiser, Victoria Beckham Stick for contour (I also use it to define my eyebrows as it’s the perfect shade for me), Refy eyebrow gel and lipgloss, Westman Atelier bronzer, Mac mascara if I’m going out, Hourglass concealer when needed. Ultra Violet spf, I’m very pale so that’s an essential.

What’s currently on your shopping list?

Lily Silverton: Pair of ballet sneakers, the perfect weight and texture black t-shirt, more SPF, more theatre and live music. I would also really like one of those footspa things but also feel it might be the kind of device I use once and then accumulates dust evermore.

What does self-care look like for you right now?

Lily Silverton: Getting up early before my family so I can have some time to myself. I meditate, do yoga or pilates, drink tea, listen to the birds and try not to look at my phone.

LOOKING AHEAD

What excites you most about the next chapter, for your family, for you professionally, and for you personally?

Lily Silverton: Excited for the paperback to come out next year that will reach more people, and hopefully after that maybe a little slow down in my professional life so I can be with my family more? Can’t wait to see how they develop and change over the next few crucial years, would also like to take them backpacking around East Asia so looking forward to them getting to the age when we can more easily do that!

What legacy do you hope to leave, as a mother, and as a woman in your own right?

Lily Silverton: That I helped make the world a more compassionate, empathetic and understanding place.

Finally, what message would you like to leave with the Luminary Mothers community?

Lily Silverton: Keep going, you’re doing great, ignore perfect lives on socials.

Follow Lily on Instagram here. Visit her website here.

Lily Silverton on Motherhood, Burnout and Learning to Prioritise What Matters.