What We Call Mothers and What We Don’t Call Fathers.
When women become mothers, their identities often collapse into one word: Mother. Men, meanwhile, remain fathers and themselves. In this thought piece, editor Alice Codford explores how language, culture, and invisible labor still define motherhood as total identity, while fatherhood remains just a trait. What does true parenthood equality look like when even our words keep mothers small?
I got the idea for this piece after seeing a funny reel on Instagram, or at least, it seemed funny at first. It showed a mom doing everyday things with her child: feeding, playing, going for a walk. Then, it cut to the dad doing the same activities, and each time he appeared, a song chimed in the background: “What a great dad!”
I laughed, and then I stopped laughing. Because the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a modern-day Shakespearean drama: equal parts comedy and tragedy, played out daily in homes everywhere. The message was clear: when men parent, they deserve applause. When women parent, they’re just… doing their job.
It reminded me of all those other viral reels: the mom leaving the house with dishevelled hair, running in circles trying to pack snacks, toys, wipes, water bottles — and somehow the husband’s things, too — while he stands by the door saying, “Why do you always take so long to get ready?” Well, John, maybe it wouldn’t take so long if you were actually carrying 50% of the mental load.
Why is it that when a woman forgets something, she feels guilty, even ashamed, but when a dad does, he just gets on with his day, unbothered? Can we really keep pretending that’s equality?
By Alice Codford
When a woman enters motherhood, the world often stops seeing her as anything else. Her name, her ambitions, her individuality quietly dissolve into a single word: Mother.
For men, the transformation looks different. Fatherhood is rarely a rebranding. It’s an addition, a badge they wear alongside all their other identities, not one that overwrites them.
“It reminded me of all those other viral reels: the mom leaving the house with dishevelled hair, running in circles trying to pack snacks, toys, wipes, water bottles — while the husband stands by the door saying, “Why do you always take so long to get ready?” Well, John, maybe it wouldn’t take so long if you were actually carrying 50% of the mental load.”
We’ve inherited this imbalance. For centuries, men were defined by their work, by what they produced, built, or achieved. Women, meanwhile, were defined by their sacrifice. By what they gave up, what they nurtured, what they endured. And even in a supposedly modern age, that split still hums beneath the surface.
You can hear it in how we talk about parents. Women are endlessly categorised: working mum, stay-at-home mum, single mum, helicopter mum, soccer mum. Each label slices motherhood into a sub-identity, a role within a role. But men? There are no working dads or soccer dads in common usage. His job remains his job. His identity remains untouched. He is simply a man who happens to be a father.
Image Source: Pinterest
